I surrender all

We sang “I surrender all” in church on Sunday. It’s exactly what I needed my heart to sing.

I’m working on that whole surrender thing. It’s tough. I want the control.

Isn’t there that story about the monkey with his hand in the jar grasping his treat, but he can’t get the treat out of the jar until he lets go of it?
Me = Monkey.

“All to jesus i surrender
All to him i freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, i surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to jesus, i surrender,
Lord, i give myself to thee;
Fill me with thy love and power,
Let thy blessing fall on me.”

3 years later

As of May 16th we have been married for 3 years.
In that 3 years a lot has happened.

WE….
lived in a 1 bedroom apartment.
quit our jobs.
moved out of our apartment.
moved in with my parents.
started a business.
began coaching JC football.
took a million photos.
gained new special friends.
lost one very precious friend.
watched every football game possible.
survived mono and a stomach infection.
paid off a car.
ate a ton of amazing meals.
served and volunteered.
attended baseball, basketball & football games.
spent an afternoon on a sailboat.
witnessed many friends get married.
celebrated as friends had babies.
dominated on a flag football team.
wine tasted with family.
indulged in the food truck world.
enjoyed the company of friends every Sunday.

WE…
traveled to: Maui, Boston, Maine, Albuquerque, Dallas, Monterey, Arrowhead, Arkansas, Woodleaf, Seattle, Arizona, Puerto Vallarta, New Orleans, San Francisco, Napa, San Luis Obispo, Cambria, Carmel, Chicago, Bolivia, Peru, New York City

WE…..
loved.
prayed.
cried.
laughed.
worried.
played.
celebrated.
grieved.
dreamed.
loved and laughed some more.

I wouldn’t change it.
It’s been a journey to say the least.
But as best friends and partners we get to endure and experience life together.
It’s amazing.
We’ll see what the next years bring us…

Patience.

I’d consider myself a pretty patient person. I’m not thrown into a frenzy easily. I taught preschool for crying out loud. However, when it comes to life matters, I tend to want what I want when I want it. That never seems to go over too well.

Over three years ago Sean and I decided to chase our dreams. We’ve been on a crazy emotional roller coaster ever since. Huge sacrifices have been made, and many days and nights are spent pleading with the Lord for His favor, guidance and wisdom. I feel like what He has really given us is the opportunity to be patient. We have no other choice but to trust His plan for us and wait on his timing.

But patience is not my friend right now.

It’s like being a child who has been told they have to wait to open a present. You’re not in control. It takes over the mind and you can’t focus on anything else. All you can do is sit there, wait and ask “How about now?”. That’s me. “Ok, Lord how about now?” “Is it time now?” No? And now I’m throwing my tantrum.

Like waves, my patience comes and goes. Some days are harder than others. These days it seems their harder than not. But in these times where patience wears thin, I learn a lot. I learn about myself and I learn how to listen and wait. And I’m learning what it means to truly have faith. To trust that the Lord knows better than I do what I want and what I need.

Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)
“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!”